"Who Am I Really?" When The Inner World Feels Like Too Much

Photo by Free Walking Tour Salzburg on Unsplash

There are days when the internal noise becomes deafening.

That quiet, persistent voice that whispers, “Whatever I do, it’s never enough.” The familiar weight of impostor syndrome that says, “I’m just pretending. Eventually, they’ll all find out.” The moments of disconnection from yourself, like watching life happen through a foggy window - dissociation, when presence feels unsafe.

If any of this resonates with you, you are not alone. And you are not broken.

These patterns often stem from deep-rooted beliefs - stories we’ve been told and retold, both by others and by ourselves. These stories shape how we relate to our symptoms, our lives, and most importantly, ourselves.

Beliefs are the filter through which we see ourselves. Take a moment to ask: Where are you applying your ego? To fully understand this question and accurately answer it, we need to understand what ego is - and what it isn’t.

What the Ego Is and Isn’t: Understanding the Ego as a Mask of Protection

The ego often gets misunderstood; it’s not just about arrogance or pride. In fact, ego is much more subtle – it can be defined as the identity we build to keep us safe in the world.

Think of the ego as a mask or protective suit. It’s the version of ourselves we’ve created based on what we believed we had to be, in order to be accepted, loved, or safe.

For example:

• If you learned early on that being ‘perfect’ earned approval, your ego might present itself as the high achiever.

• If being invisible helped you avoid conflict, your ego might become the quiet one, the observer, or the people pleaser.

• If you had to fight to be heard, the ego might take on a strong, opinionated facade.

  
  

These parts aren’t inherently bad - they’re protectors. They developed to help you survive or cope with life’s challenges.

But here’s the key: Drum Roll……The ego is not your true self.

It’s the version of you shaped by experiences, expectations, and fear. It’s based on who you

thought you had to be, not who you actually are.

What the Ego Isn’t

• It’s not your essence or core self.

• It’s not ‘bad’, or something to destroy.

• It’s not the enemy - it’s just a strategy that may no longer serve you.

  
  

Why It Matters

When we live through our ego mask, we often feel:

• Disconnected

• Exhausted from performing

• Like we’re never ‘enough’

• Fearful of being ‘found out’ (hello, impostor syndrome)

  
  

But when we start to treat these ego parts of ourselves with curiosity and compassion, we make space for our authentic self to emerge - the part of us that is calm, grounded, creative, and clear.

This is the self that doesn’t need to prove anything. It simply is.

Ask yourself; are you holding tightly to a belief that you should be more together, more successful, more perfect? Do you speak to yourself with the same harshness you’d never dream of directing at someone you love? Say hello to your inner critic!

Our ego, our sense of self - it isn’t the enemy. But when it’s fuelled by negative beliefs, it becomes a taskmaster, not a guide. It creates pressure. And with pressure comes overwhelm.

The Overwhelm Signal

The brain doesn’t just respond to what’s happening in the moment - it predicts what’s coming based on past experiences. This is what neuroscience calls predictive coding. If your nervous system has been taught to expect threat, it will continue to scan for it - even when none is objectively present.

This is where many chronic symptoms come into play:

• Tinnitus

• IBS

• Insomnia

• Fatigue

• Acid reflux

  
  

These aren’t ‘just in your head.’ They are very bodily signals, often driven by the brain’s overwhelm response. Your system is overloaded with expectation, fear, and the need to perform, succeed, or please.

Who Gets to Define You?

A good proportion of our beliefs aren’t even ours. They’re inherited from voices that sounded more intelligent, more qualified, more certain. A doctor. A parent. A teacher. Someone with authority.

We take on labels like:

• “You’re highly sensitive.”

• “This is just your anxiety.”

• “It’s genetic.”

• “This is who you are.”

  
  

And we don’t question them, because - who am I to question?

But the real question is: Who gets to define you?

Curiosity Changes Everything

There is a way through. It doesn’t start with control or ‘fixing’ yourself. It begins with curiosity.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) work, we explore the protective parts of ourselves - the ones that push us to please, to perform, to hide, or to shut down. These parts aren’t bad. They’re protectors. They emerged to keep you safe, (often in childhood) and they’ve been doing their job ever since. (Yeah, round of applause please!)

When we meet these parts with calm, curious compassion - instead of pushing them away or seeing them as a bad part of ourselves, we begin to unburden them. In doing so, we reduce the internal conflict and insecurities that feed our overwhelm.

Creating Safety from Within

The antidote to chronic overwhelm isn’t doing more. It’s building a relationship with yourself that feels safe.

Here are some small, powerful ways to begin:

1. Calm the Nervous System

• Ground yourself with breath, touch, and routine.

• Improving your environment with gentle movement, nature, and soft sounds can help signal safety.

  
  

2. Break the Loop of Chronic Overwhelm

• Notice when you’re stuck in ‘doing’ mode and invite a pause.

• Ask yourself: Is this coming from fear or from care?

  
  

3. Shift Your Self-Talk

• Speak to yourself as you would to a frightened child or a dear friend.

• Tell yourself; “I see you. You’re doing the best you can.”

• Ask yourself; “Is this really me talking, or is it someone else?”

  
  

4. Get Curious About Your Symptoms

• What might your body be trying to express?

• Can you embrace it, rather than fighting against it?

• Invite it in to sit down and have a chat and a cup of tea with ‘you’ - all it wants is to be heard, and seen as your protector.

  
  

5. Reclaim Your Story

• Question the labels that don’t serve you.

• Define yourself from the inside out - not the other way around.

  
  

We are not here to fight our bodies, or our minds. We are here to understand them. To build a relationship with ourselves that is based on compassion, not control.

So, if you’re in that space of despair, feeling like nothing you do is enough - pause. Breathe, feel, and reassure yourself that you are enough. Not because you’re trying harder, but because you’re beginning to see yourself with truth and tenderness.

And that changes everything.

If this has sparked curiosity within you, please reach out and book a FREE 30-minute Explorer Call to see how we can help you nurture your relationship with yourself.

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