“Was That Really Me?” A Reflection on Who I Was and Who I Am Now
- Carole Randell
- 7 days ago
- 3 min read
There’s a quiet moment that often comes in the healing process. A pause. A breath. A moment where you look back on your life - the person you were, and think, was that really me?
It can be disorienting. Laced with grief. Empowering. Liberating.
For years I lived inside a body that didn’t feel safe, with a mind that was constantly working overtime to keep me afloat; managing expectations, anticipating others’ emotions, masking my own needs, ignoring the soft cries of fatigue and overwhelm. I did what so many of us do when survival is the only option:
I disconnected. I coped. I carried on. But the cost was high.
At the time I didn’t have the language for it, but now I understand it as empathic dysregulation. A heightened sensitivity to the emotional world around me, so finely tuned into others that I forgot how to be tuned in to myself. It wasn’t just emotional, it lived in my nervous system; chronic pain, fatigue, tension that never fully released. And yet, the most startling thing I discovered on the other side of it all is this: none of that was a life sentence.
The Power of Neuroplasticity
I began to learn about the brain’s incredible ability to change - neuroplasticity. I realised that my patterns, symptoms and beliefs weren’t fixed. They were learned responses to a world that had felt unsafe - and what is learned can also be unlearned.
With time, care, and a gentler relationship with myself, I started to build new pathways. Not overnight. Not without resistance. But little by little, my nervous system began to trust that the war was over. I moved from being defined by my symptoms to being guided by them.
Who I Am Now
Now, when I look in the mirror, I see someone else. Not because I’ve erased the past - but because I’ve integrated it.
The person I was helped me survive, the person I am now is learning to thrive.
I still feel deeply, but now I have boundaries.
I still care, but not at the expense of my body.
I still support others, but I include myself in the circle of care.
And the best part? I get to help others do the same. As a psychotherapist and wellbeing coach, I work with people who are walking a similar path; those living with chronic pain, fatigue, and emotional overwhelm. Those who don’t yet know that their sensitivity is not their weakness, it’s their gift, waiting to be understood and directed inward, towards healing.
Who You Can Be Too
If any of this sounds familiar; if you’re feeling lost, exhausted, or disconnected from who you are - please know that change is possible. Not in a toxic positivity kind of way. But in a grounded, steady, nervous-system-safe kind of way.
The question “Was that really me?” is not one of shame - it’s one of growth.
You are allowed to become someone new.
You are allowed to heal.
And you are allowed to look back with compassion and say:
“Yes. That was me. And this is me now.”
If you would like to see how we can help guide you on the path of positive change to be a better you, please reach out and book a FREE 30-minute Explorer Call.
I am also a Practitioner and member of SIRPA, and have contributed my knowledge and expertise to their Online Recovery Program. The program is aimed at helping you recover from chronic pain, empowering you to create results and make a positive difference in your world. For more information and to sign up, please click the button below:
As a therapist specialising in chronic conditions like CFS/M.E./ Long Covid and Fibromyalgia, I cannot recommend the Freeme app highly enough.
It offers a deeply compassionate, mind-body approach that prioritises emotional safety - something so often missing for those who’ve felt dismissed, confused, or stuck in cycles of fatigue, pain, and overwhelm.
I fully support the amazing work that they are doing and you can find out more about it on my site here: https://www.chronicpainreliefonlineclinic.com/freeme-app
If you are interested in trying the app out, please use the button below to sign up, or sign up through the link to my page above. As an affiliate to Freeme, these links will let them know that I sent you, and will help us both out!
Comments