Last month for me was about letting go – letting go of those things, people or obligations that no longer serve me. This month is all about balance.
Before I recommend a tool or technique to clients, I like to do the research and use it/them myself to see how affective they are. The reason I am writing this today is to demonstrate how easy it is to lose focus when we get busy. With the best of intentions, we can get sucked into overwhelm and that is why Balance is so important. Here is a real-life example from someone who should know better!
My commitments had ramped up and before I knew it I was back in my old patterns of behaviour being triggered by situations and people. It all started with me watching the film:
The Wisdom of Trauma in which Gabor Mate shares that;
‘Trauma is the invisible force that shapes our lives. It shapes the way we live, the way we love and the way we make sense of the world. It is the root of our deepest wounds. Dr. Maté gives us a new vision: a trauma-informed society in which parents, teachers, physicians, policy-makers and legal personnel are not concerned with fixing behaviours, making diagnoses, suppressing symptoms and judging, but seek instead to understand the sources from which troubling behaviours and diseases spring in the wounded human soul.’
He also talks about his own struggles and co-dependency issues – (uh oh Trigger!) I then started to do some work on myself using The Adult Chair approach.
Michelle Chalfant and The Adult Chair approach - I listened to her podcasts on co-dependency and the one that really resonated with me was ‘I’m not your life jacket’ podcast 70. (Another trigger!)
Before you knew it my saboteurs were in full flow:
- Perfectionism and the need for order and organisation taken too far. I’m not just talking work here but add in cleaning, cooking, etc etc and you start to get the picture (but we do have lovely clean shelves, new undies and a great looking airing cupboard)
- My tendency to get restless in search of the next activity, or constant busyness (this resulted in me buying 5 x books on Amazon – boy that was expensive) and I haven’t read a single one!
- My need to feel in control, which is all anxiety based and highly impatient of myself when that is not possible
- My Pleaser side, which indirectly tries to gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, rescuing others whilst losing sight of my own needs
And last but by no means least...
- My hyper achiever side, which is very dependent on constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation, which incidentally really unravels my ability to rest and sleep. (No surprise I hear you cry!)
This all leads to unsustainable workaholic tendencies and losing touch with my deeper emotional and relationship needs.
And then the inevitable...I succumbed to a nasty viral infection that meant I had to cancel everything, including my husbands much looked forward birthday party with family.
Having spent a lot of time peeling my particular onion and revealing layers on layers it seems I have yet more work to do – but that’s 'ok’. I am pleased that this has happened as it has allowed me to realise that finding balance is my key to letting go. Self-Discovery is a wonderful thing but just like Nemo, you have to rest and look out onto the world to see where your triggers are.
If any of this has resonated with you and you would like to speak to someone about how to get balance back into your life, we have a lovely team of practitioners here at the Chronic Pain Relief Online Clinic who would be only to happy to speak to you.